Learning to trust

Last Friday, it was difficult to have my infusion cancelled due to low platelets, especially after having worked so hard to bring my white blood cells up with injections. Although I tried not to be affected, it was deflating and I felt like there was nothing I could do to influence my health and move forward. I spend most of the weekend trying to work through my feelings and find a way to stay positive.

The Lord blessed me with two experiences this week that helped me to see His hand in my life and remind me that He is in control. The first experience was on Monday when we celebrated Hannah’s 6th birthday. The highlight of her day was having a “drive-by” party organized and attended by so many loving friends and her church leaders and teacher. We sat on the driveway under our beach umbrella and Hannah waved to everyone and threw candy (or tried really hard to) through their open car windows. She felt like a celebrity and was showered with so much love. 

Glen and I gave Hannah a new bike with training wheels and she has been practicing every day in the 115-degree weather to get the right balance so she isn't dependent on the training wheels. Yesterday, she said, “Mom, I think I am ready to take the training wheels off but I'm scared I might fall.” I explained to her that all of her practice and experience was enough for her to take the next step, and that I would run beside her to help her if she stumbled.

Hannah on her new birthday bike

Later that night, this beloved scripture came to my mind: “And now, my [daughter], remember, remember that it is upon the rock of our Redeemer, who is Christ, the Son of God, that ye must build your foundation; that when the devil shall send forth his mighty winds, yea his shafts in the whirlwind, yea, when all his hail and his mighty storm shall beat upon you, it shall have no power over you to drag you down to the gulf of misery and endless wo, because of the rock upon which ye are built, which is a sure foundation, a foundation whereon if men build they CANNOT FALL." (Helaman 5:12)

During this sometimes difficult school of life, our Savior has promised us that if exercise and practice faith in Him, he will run beside us, steady us when we stumble, so that we cannot fall.

Paul was called to serve in Baltimore, Maryland

The second experience was on Wednesday, when our son Paul opened his assignment to serve a two-year mission for our church. Glen and I have been filled with joy by his desire and worthiness to serve as a representative of Christ in teaching His gospel. As we all guessed where he might serve and when he might begin, we realized that to us it didn’t really matter. When he announced that he would be serving in the Baltimore, Maryland mission, speaking Spanish, we could hardly contain our happiness and several thoughts came to my mind.

I remembered when Paul was diagnosed with autism when he was two-and-a-half years old. As I processed the news of his diagnosis, I wondered, “Will he ever be able to serve a mission?” While I know that serving a mission isn't necessary for Paul's eternal progression, it was nonetheless an experience I desired for him and one that was forefront in my mind as I received his diagnosis and considered his future. After 17 years of working with therapists and coordinating intervention for Paul, the most important thing I have learned by much fasting and prayer is to trust in God and to turn my son over to Him. He can make so much more of our lives than we ever can. These tender reminders helped me to prepare for my next treatment this on Friday.

When I went to the cancer clinic yesterday, I tried to have no expectations so that I wouldn’t be disappointed if my blood counts were too low. Ironically, I had been more tired this week despite not receiving any injections. Our regular nurses had the day off, so as I got my blood drawn I briefly explained what had happened the past couple of weeks to the nurse who was filling in and then she went to run the labs. My friend Meredith sat beside me and was cleared for her infusion while I waited for another 15 minutes. The nurse came to tell me that I may not be able to get treatment. My platelets had come up (182) but my white blood counts were low (.89) and usually need to be above 1.0 for chemo. She had sent a message to Dr. Curley to see what he wanted to do. His response was, “Time to treat!” I was so grateful. Infusion #6 complete. 

I will return on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday for Zarxio injections to help with my white blood cell production and we will meet with Dr. Curley next Friday morning to discuss my treatment and ask questions. 

We are being sustained by your prayers and faith on our behalf, along with so much service and love to our family. We can’t thank you enough!