There's always something to be grateful for

My new chemo socks! Today, my fight was emotional instead of physical.

Well, today didn't go as we had planned, but isn’t that the way life works most of the time?! 

I went in for my infusion at 10:30am and waited for almost 45 minutes before I was called back for blood work. It was a busy day in the chemo room and several people, including my friend Meredith, had adverse reactions to the drugs they were getting. My nurse said there must have been a blue-light special on allergic reactions ;). One man was covered in ice packs and talking to an emergency doctor. Meredith was getting the same drug (Taxol) I was scheduled to get and started feeling like she was going to pass out. Her vision was blurred and her face flushed and became red hot. Thankfully, they were able to bring her blood pressure up as they flushed her with saline, and administered the drug slower and with more steroids. 

During all the excitement, I was waiting for my blood results. Yvette asked me if Glen has already left and said that I might want to call him back. She said my numbers looked very low but that she hadn’t been able to talk with Dr. Curley, who was with another patient. I waited while they attended to others reactions and then they were able to reach Dr. Curley via text and Skype. Several numbers were low, but my white blood cell count was 1.4 and my neutrophils were 0.32. 

The last time my infusion was cancelled due to low white blood cells, my numbers were 2.4 and .62, so I knew I was in trouble. The nurses got word that I was not to proceed with the infusion, and that next week I was to come in on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday to get injections of Zarxio into my stomach. Zarxio is a drug that will stimulate my bone marrow to produce white blood cells and help prevent infections. It can cause bone pain and body aches, so I will be taking Claritin and Aleve for five days to help with the side effects. If my white blood cells increase after Wednesday, I'll be able to have the infusion I was scheduled for today next Friday at 12:30pm.

As you can imagine, I felt discouraged after getting this news. It's really emotional gearing up for another treatment just as I begin to recover from the side effects of the previous week. I asked Glen how I would ever be able to fight this cancer if my body couldn’t handle the chemo. After a good lunch, a rest, and a cry, I asked Glen if he would give me a priesthood blessing. Glen and Paul anointed my head with consecrated oil and used the power of God to bless my body to respond to these injections and be strengthened to receive my chemotherapy treatments. 

I know God’s power to heal and bless exists on the earth today through the priesthood, worthily used. But what if my blood counts don’t come up? Does that mean this priesthood power is not real? I was reminded today that my belief is not in whether or not the blessings I desire come to pass. My belief is in Jesus Christ and his perfect, all-knowing power to guide my life, to console my spirit, and to succor for MY sins, and to experience MY pain and afflictions. 

As Glen placed his hands upon my head, I felt God place his hands around my heart and remind me that He is in control and that all these things will work for my good. This is what I am grateful for today.